Table Of Contents

Sunday, October 15, 2006

no. 005 [from thursday to today...]


"Ender" by Finch

A lot can happen in four days. From being stood up, to helping some people you barely know at some party, these past four days have been a crazy ride. This is actually the happiest I've ever been to be sitting in an empty house in my pajamas on a Sunday morning. No football, books open, and ready for me to write the first page of my term paper. Finch is playing in the background, thoughts constantly running through the back of my mind. I keep thinking about why I've been stood up twice in the past month, my future, my music, school, girls, my family, too many things. No matter what happens there will always be problems. This weekend really opened up my eyes to how important family really is. Even if you're not blood, that tie can be there. Drunken words slurred or not, it was said. Someone wise told me the truth comes out when your drunk, and all I got was love from my family, both blood and not. There were some heads butting, some words said that I do regret, my actions were horribly reflected of me, and I wish I could take those back. Some however I said in all seriousness, and there was no need for what I said as a sarcastic term to be taken anywhere near serious. Luckily I didn't break that camera. I'm not embarrassed, and neither should anyone else. That goes for a lot of people. I did what I did, and part of me is truly sorry for losing my cool, but you gotta remember that the other part of me, the part that was raised in Hayward, doesn't feel sorry. Like it or not, that's how it is. Either way I have some serious thinking to do, and I seriously need to figure out where everything is going. As for my "date", it's over. I sever it here. I honestly am tired of excuses, and I don't want to hear another one. Call me a hard-ass, call me what you will, that is how it is. I'm torn apart by these feelings. I wasn't blindsided by her, I was blindsided by the thought of someone actually liking me. Lame isn't it? Second time this month. Yay, one more and I break my record! Notice the sarcasm. (Rolls eyes) Side note, forget him. He's a douche bag. He had his chance and he fucked it up. If Alex kicks his ass it's only because he was asking for it. Back to the main story, it turns out that my proverbial
shoulder to cry on wasn't there for me, and probably won't be for a while, because she's "involved". Hmm...one stab after another. I'm happy for her, I really am, but I can't hide the piercing feeling in my stomach. You'd think all of this would make for some great material for songs; yeah, it doesn't. From being stood up, to not wanting to go to class, to locking doors, to helping the sick, injured and just plain drunk, to wanting to strangle a certain someone, to guessing what the 'B' stood for, to having my heart semi-broken (once again), this weekend has been a wild-ass ride. Would I change it?...not a bit. Who knows, if everything is meant to happen, who knows what this will lead into. I'd hate to quote a really crappy movie, but someone once said good things take time, but great things happen all at once. Hopefully my all at once is right around the corner.
-antony
ps: that quote was from the movie "Rat Race"...yeah, I know...fuckin' lame.
= D

Monday, August 21, 2006

no. 004 [good weekend...]


"Kind Of Perfect" by Armor For Sleep



So yeah...I'm back in school now. It's not so exciting. I went Thursday & Friday, but it seemed like I had gone for two weeks straight. I seriously needed to blow off some steam. So it started Thursday, I showed up for Music 04 (aka Music Appreciation) & Religion 14B (aka Western Religions). Those classes aren't that bad. But Friday sucked. Intro To The Fashion Industry is probably the single most boring class ever, and Astronomy isn't that much more fun. So Friday I was extremely tired & bummed...

So I get a call on Friday night to go pick up some friends. I'm really glad that they were able to get a hold of me. They know who they are, and it wasn't a problem at all you guys. Like I said, if any of my friends are in trouble don't hesitate to call me up. I'll be there in a second.

So Friday night was chill. I played some video games with Scott, listened to a lot of music, courtesy of my iPod, messed around with my new acoustic/electric bass guitar, and slept until 10am the next morning.

Which leads us to Saturday. So Saturday was my Aunt & Uncle's 25th Anniversary. I had to go to Patterson. It was fun. I hella had an impromptu moment when I had to walk down the isle with my cousin for my Uncle & Aunt's mass (no I didn't get married!). Then there was the party at their house. Their house is fuckin' huge! And it was hella fun. It was a little boring at first, taking pictures and all. But as soon as I got out of that tie and those dress pants it was fun. My cousin DJ'd the party, got to see a bunch of the family again, and I met this awesome girl who taught me how to dance (because I can't dance for crap). There was this one part where I had to drive my almost cousins home, and Gabe & Jo spilled food in the car (NOT ME!). Then I didn't get to say bye to Kira (the hecka awesome girl that taught me how to dance). So yeah, that kinda sucked. Then there was something about the lights...??? So I spent the night at my cousin's house.

Sunday I ended up spending the whole day at Jo's house. It was fun, minus the part where I fell asleep on the couch looking at the leaves fall while listening to Armor For Sleep...and then again when I fell asleep on my cousins bed...while again listening to Armor For Sleep. Then we ate cebiche' (did I spell that right?). It was hella good!!! I went back for seconds. I think Jo went for thirds? I couldn't eat anymore. Then I went home and finally cleaned up my room!!! That thing was such a fire hazard. But it is safe now...and clean!!! Haha!

Monday (aka today) was kinda slow. I had Piano today, but I might end up dropping that class, because it's really boring, and it's gonna be a substantial amount of money for books. Besides, I don't need the class because I'll still be fulltime without it. I'm just taking it for fun. Other than that I found a Music 02 class that needs more students, so I plan on enrolling in that class (if possible) on Wednesday. And if I can get in I'm dropping Intro To The Fashion Industry in a heartbeat. Haha!!! So that means my schedule will be: Piano (maybe), Religion 14B, Music 04, Astronomy, & Music 02 (if I get in). So I'll be able to work on my music major a lot this semester.

But yes...this weekend was by far the best I've had in a while. This one isn't looking so bad either. I plan on going to see Thought Riot in Stockton on Thursday (call me if you wanna go (209) 679-1473, it's $8 dollars at the door), and then I might go to Patterson on Friday. No plans for Saturday, but Sunday I might chill and work on some of those songs with Gabe if we don't get a chance throughout the week.

I write way too much.

-Antony

Sunday, May 21, 2006

no. 003 [rock and roll ain't noise pollution...]


"Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" by AC/DC

Today I took my Econ. 1A & English 1D Finals. Yeah, those are the classes that I am doing the worst in. Anyways, getting back to the point, I'm pretty sure I'll get at least a C in Econ, due to the A's I got on my Position Papers (A on the regular assignment, and an A on the extra credit, which is worth the same amount...can you say DOUBLE WORD SCORE!!!???). Haha, so I pretty much think I was able to pull that off, the Final wasn't that hard.

But it was that damn English Final that was worrying me ALL F'N DAY. So I finally get to my English class, and we take some 50-Question scantron test, easy as hell. Then we have to read this "passage" and write an essay in response to it. And the "passage" we had to read was about people with their loud stereos and radios, and how their "noise pollution" should be means for ticketing and fines. Just as I started writing my essay about how "loud music should be fined" (since I have found out the hard way that arguing your way in Mrs. Oren's class will only get you horrible grades, so I chose to do it her way, at first), "Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" by AC/DC started playing in my headphones. So it was right then and there that I decided fuck her way, and decided to do it my way, even if it cost me a passing grade.
The essay was argumentative...but I don't think she'll like it. Which will probably result in my failing the class. Oh well, there's always next semester. But yeah...Finals, so far so good...I guess...

-[Antony]

Thursday, March 2, 2006

no. 002 [too many emotions for one day...]


"Hold Me Down" by Motion City Soundtrack

[sorry if i've been weird today...i'm goin' through a lot...i keep thinkin' about a lot of stuff that i shouldn't...girls, school, my future, this band that i'm tryin' to get up and running, carlo in iraq, failure, love, matt v., leaving california, "hold me down" by motion city soundtrack (thanx a lot carlo!...that one's u'r fault), not being able to go to patterson for my lil' cuz's b-day, the meaning of life, trying to understand why my life has gone in the direction that it has gone, disputing whether or not moving here from hayward was for the best, trying to understand why i have absolutely no luck with girls, i have been questioning my significance in life (not like suicidal or anything), questioning if i am a "fun person" or not (cuz it seems like i'm not)...i don't know...i keep feeling like i have a huge hole in my chest...and i hate feeling like this...i'm not sad, i'm not happy, or angry, or depressed...i just feel empty...eh...i guess this sounds kind of stupid huh?...i guess i just need that sense of reassurance...like people just saying hi and telling me that they care about me and stuff...i don't know...i think the happiest i have ever been was when nick hugged me and told me that he was really glad that i was his friend, and that he was happy that i was there for him during that whole danielle thing... :) sounds corny huh?...haha...but seriously...that was probably the happiest i have ever been...i love that guy...is there a point to this madness?...haha...i guess not...i don't know anymore...eh...i have just blabbed on for no apparent reason...???...wierd...eh...too many emotions for one fuckin' day...i seriously need to take some nyquil and get some sleep...haha...]
-[antony]
[ps]: for the cd, the song is "Hold Me Down"...thanx Carlo for keepin' that on u'r myspace...now every time i hear it i think of you...you better take care over there!...and get u'r ass home as soon as you can...when you get back we'll go camping, play some "ghetto poker", and sneak into an R rated movie and tell them that we went to see "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"...haha...good times...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

no. 001 [valentine's day...]


"Valentine" by The Get Up Kids

[ok...story time...why don't i like valentine's day?...well...it all started my freshman year...i had just moved to manteca from hayward, ca...and i didn't know anyone...i was lost, and alone...and i had a huge crush on possibly the worst person i could have had a crush on at the time...she was a cheerleader...a cheerleader with a jock boyfriend...eh...so...to make a long story short she goes on a date with him on valentine's day...and he dumps her for another girl...yeah, i know...how fucked up is that?!?...well...it was on the 15th that i saw her in my last class crying...no1 talked to her cuz they all knew what had happened...so somehow i got the courage to go talk to her...you know...to make sure that she was alright...she said that she was mostly sad because she didn't have a valentine...so me, being a love-struck kid, offered to be her valentine...FAST FOWARD: a week later she totally screws me over, and gets back with her ex...the same dude that dumped her on valentine's day for another girl...sophomore year, she didn't talk to me...junior year, same thing...that and she moved away...so i run into her after graduation...and she doesn't even try to talk to me...she just gives me some excuse to leave...all in all, it was the worst crush i have ever had...so every valentine's day i am reminded of that girl...and that is why i don't like valentine's day...i don't "hate" it...i'm just not a huge fan...sounds stupid huh?...]
-[ant]
[ps]: "valentine" by the get up kids is the song that reminds me of her...whoever asked that question...theres your answer...