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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

no. 011 [my mature decision...]


"New Slang" by The Shins

These past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy. I don't know how to explain it, but I'll try my best. From feeling alone, to being annoyed by pretty much everyone, I've been on an emotional roller coaster.

I think being out for just you is boring. You know, looking out for number one? Only doing things that benefit you. I'm not good at not caring about anyone else. I guess that's my problem. Realistically I care so much about what other's think and how they feel that I try my hardest not to hurt their feelings. However, in doing so I just end up hurting myself, and then later everyone else I tried so hard not to.

For the past couple of weeks I've taken some time for myself. I apologize to everyone that I've "flaked" on...but at the same time I'm not. Sorry, it is what it is.

I guess it goes back to the whole thing about being truthful. The truth hurts, but it's the best policy. Whether it's telling someone how ridiculous they are acting, telling your best friend something that you really didn't want to, telling your family (parents included) that they do more harm than good, taking a chance by telling someone how you really feel, avoiding anyone and everyone to have some alone time, or just admitting that you're scared. The truth can hurt a lot, but it's better in the end.

I guess sometimes we have to take the realistic route. By playing it safe I'll be able to realize my dreams, in a semester or two. As much as it pains me to stay, I'm refocused on what I HAVE to do in life, as well as what I WANT to do in life. And I'll have more time to do so.

chow.mein.lesson.learned.

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