Table Of Contents

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

no. 013 [my trip to the airport...]


"Winter" by Joshua Radin

I think it's unfair that when people reveal that they're scared, they are looked at as being weak. I don't know, I think a lot of people have a hard time admitting that they are scared of something.

I'm not sure about someone anymore. I mean, lately I'm not surprised. The one thing I never thought she'd do to me didn't even faze me. It was as if I didn't expect it, but deep down inside I did. I don't know what is more disappointing, the fact that she lied to me, or the fact that I wasn't surprised.

Then again, I'm not sure about many things anymore. You'd think telling someone something really hard would come back at you tenfold, but it didn't. I think he wasn't surprised either. And that also disappoints me.

I hate how things have been lately, from confronting someone about a lie, to having to tell someone something that you didn't want to, to having to accept something that you didn't earn, to making the decision to stay and to go to school closer to home, to accepting yourself the way you are…

Life is scary, we can't go on pretending that we're not scared, but at the same time we can't wear our emotions on our sleeves all of the time. I think the hardest part about being scared is finding a balance between showing it, and not showing it. That balance is dealing with it.

In my own personal opinion, I don't think admitting that you're scared makes you weak, in fact, I think it proves that you are a strong person, strong enough to admit how you feel, strong enough to stand up to a friend, strong enough to put your pride aside, strong enough to realize what's best, and strong enough to admit your flaws.

We all get scared sometimes, but we have to deal with it. I am still afraid of the unknown, but it's not gonna stop me from venturing into it. The future may seem scary at times, but it is what it is, you can't control it, but don't let it control you.

And as I saw the airplane leave, I knew that she'd make the right choice for herself, no matter how long it took. Hopefully she won't disappoint me again, at the very least she admitted that she was scared too, and that's enough for me.

chow.mein.lesson.learned.

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