Table Of Contents

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

no. 018 [coping (everything’ll be alright)...]

"Everything'll Be Alright (Will's Lullaby) (iTunes Live Session Version)" by Joshua Radin

I woke up today, knowing very well what today meant. No matter how much I didn't want to deal with it, it seemed like every little thing came back to her. It could be life lessons that she taught us, hearing her laugh, or someone smiling.

It's hard to believe that it's been two whole months. It sometimes seems like time is just flying by. Slowly I find myself crying less and less. It still hurts inside, but like someone said, "the pain won't go away, you'll just get used to it." I'm slowly starting to understand what she meant by that. As I'm sure others are too.

More now than ever I've paid closer attention to those around me. I've been observing what others have done to try to cope with this loss.

People have different ways of dealing with heartache. To add onto a Scrubs quote, some do something life affirming, some resort to childish mischief, some do something impulsive, some drink away their sorrows, some lash out at everyone around them, some try to keep as busy as possible, some pretend that everything is fine, some can't pretend that everything is fine, some try to move on, and others wish they could, but almost all will remember her life lessons, and take them to heart. For me, I guess it would be a little bit of everything, but a lot of the last one.

I think the hardest thing for anyone to go through is losing a loved one, because unfortunately, as human beings, we don't know how important something, or someone is until we lose it. That, in my opinion, is the great flaw of mankind.

I think in coping with death we will all go through similar stages: hurt, denial, anger, sadness, regret, and hopefully, eventually, happiness, and thankfulness.

"When it's time for something to happen you just gotta let it happen."

"And sometimes it takes a little while to realize that."

I didn't want to deal with it today, but had to. Slowly I'm learning what works best for me to try and move on. I have found some outlets to help me cope, the best of course being writing. The more that we avoid it, the more it'll hurt later.

These past two months have given me a lot of time to heal, reflect, remember, laugh, cry, and think. At first I wasn't sure if everything would be alright again. After a while we'll all go through it. From not knowing, to hoping, to thinking, to believing, to eventually knowing that everything will be alright.

I've had glimpses of the feeling of knowing everything will be alright, and it's a good feeling. I think what helps me more is to think that I'll see her again, that this is not the end. Like I saw on someone's page, it feels as if she's gone on a long vacation, and eventually we'll see her again. And eventually we will meet again. And with that in mind, it's a lot easier to know that everything will be alright.

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