Table Of Contents

Friday, October 26, 2007

no. 019 [my deja vu...]


"Good Life" by Francis Dunnery

Yesterday started off like any other day. However, right off the bat it seemed like I had been here before. I couldn't understand it, but it seemed as if I was reliving certain events and feelings. It started off with some little things, like how I woke up before my alarm went off, or how the uploads I left running over night failed again, or how Mike was standing by the front door waiting for me to take him to school. I just brushed those all off as a coincidence. But it was a familiar voice in a phone call asking for a ride to the airport that had set the entire day into what I like to call "reverse motion." It's funny how someone that was so close to you can just disappear from your life for a few months, then just reappear out of nowhere. I could have been a dick and told her no, but I decided to be nice, and since my last class of the day was canceled (again, weird) I had some time on my hands. It was such a repeat of an older blog of mine ([my trip to the airport...]), an event that I was almost reliving entirely. From a repeat morning, to two exact same car accidents five seconds apart from each other, to a music test, to my seat under the stairs, back to an airport, I felt as if all of this had happened before. I knew that she would be back in about a week, just like last time, but this time I wasn't going to hold my breath. It felt like I was being given a second chance to make it work out, and I didn't take it this time. The beginning was the same, but the ending was different.
"Aren't you going to tell me to let you know when I've decided what I want again?"

When given a second chance one should say yes to what they didn't before, right? That would be what's expected when given a second chance, right? This time I just couldn't do it. This time I realized that I had no feelings for her, whatsoever.

"No...not this time. I'm sorry..."

I think second chances aren't so much for the person to say yes this time,
or to do things differently. I think second chances are meant for us to do what we know is right this time. This time I made the choice that was best for me. And this time I wasn't going to wonder "what if", or wait until she comes back, and this time I didn't watch the plane take off. I just drove home, to end what seemed to be just another day...again.

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