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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

no. 020 [my 5 things (a paper on stress)...]


"Bend And Break" by Keane

I've spent the last few days thinking about stress, what stresses me out, and how I deal, or sometimes not deal with those issues. At this point in my life I'm confused out of my mind. Sometimes I'm confused about being confused, but I look at it as a part of growing up. To ask me to write a paper about five things that stress me out right now is somewhat of a difficult task. First to limit it to five sources of stress is bad enough, second to go into detail about each, and third to discuss what I'm doing to cope with each. Right now in my life I feel as if I'm my own worst enemy. I over think everything, I am constantly double checking myself, and I am questioning things that really shouldn't be questioned. Dealing with the recent death of a cousin, coping with a good friend moving 3,000 miles away, worrying about money, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, or worrying about a close friend who I would have never guessed would be in the position that he is, mainly because he's going through the same things I am.
I think those are my biggest stressors. Sometimes I try to cope with them, and sometimes it feels better to just let some of them be. I've come to terms with the death of my cousin, even though sometimes, well, most of the time it feels as if she's on a long vacation, and I'll see her again someday. Sometimes writing, listening to music, or even crying is a good way to cope with the pain of missing her. As for my good friend leaving, I'm trying to spend as much time with her as I possibly can. My best friend keeps telling me that everything will be all right, and I really hope he's right. The most difficult part about letting her go is debating whether or not this choice is right for her. That's one of those issues that I'd rather ignore.

The money and school/future ones kind of go hand in hand. The way I cope with it is to just go with the flow. I don't want a career that I'll make tons of money at if I'm going to be unhappy. Unfortunately my parents and grandparents aren't too happy with my choice to work in radio, but as long as it makes me happy I should be fine. It just stresses me out right now because they aren't happy, but I just have to keep telling myself that it isn't their life.

The biggest stressor than anything is the fact that a good friend of mine has been diagnosed with an illness that I could very well be diagnosed with also. He's going through almost exactly the same things I'm going through, and that scares me to death. The way I'm dealing with that is to mainly ignore it, and to take it one day at a time. In my belief I don't think his illness is as quoted, a "disease". I'll just try to keep my head above water, and if I ever get that bad, then I'll seek help. But until then I think I'm just fine.

I think with each one of those stressors I cope with them differently, depending on how I feel. Sometimes it's too difficult to try to deal with them all at the same time, but I try to remember one thing that helps me get through, "nothing in life worth having is easy". And that helps me out with each one of those stressors. Whether it's looking for meaning, looking for an answer, looking for a solution, looking for happiness, or looking for a way out, I gotta deal with all of this "crap" first. And I know I'll be a better person after all is said and done. At the very least I'll learn something about life, others, and myself.

Stress can be a very dangerous thing if not dealt with. It can drive you crazy, or worse, make you sick. But stress can also be used to our advantage. Stress helps you improve with things, and it keeps you from fighting yourself. It lets us know that we have to make certain changes. And in that aspect I guess sometimes stress is a good thing.

chow.mein.lesson.learned.

(yeah i went back to the original ending)

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