Table Of Contents

Saturday, February 2, 2008

no. 030 [geronimo...]

"Geronimo" by Unwritten Law

I think the hardest part about life is learning to let go. Sometimes we can't let go of an item, an idea, a belief, or even a person. Like I said before, we are selfish by nature. As I prepared to let go, I couldn't stop thinking about the shame of how hard this was going to be for me. I should have been thinking about how hard this was going to be for her, but the more I thought about it, the less worried I became. In letting go, you let that person take a new chance at something that they may need. It's a chance for them to spread their wings and grow. And like that, it was all tied together, perfectly. This whole series was about letting go. I wasn't learning to let go; I was doing it again. This whole time, it had all been about letting go; letting go of a life; letting go of a loved one; letting go of our fear; letting go of a relationship; letting go of our insecurities; letting go of certain freedoms to become a parent; letting go of your pride, and admitting that you have a problem; letting go of denial, and admitting that you have feelings for her; letting go of restraint and standing up for what you believe in; letting go of what you want, for what others need; letting go of the past; letting go of hope, and moving on; letting go of a person so that she can begin her new life; letting go of reason, and just going with the flow; and last but certainly not least, letting go of a friend, so that she can find what she wants, or what she needs in life. So what I thought was something incredibly hard, turned out to be something that I had been experiencing for the last five months. And right then, it wasn't so hard...


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

no. 029 [something < a feeling...]

"More Than A Feeling" by Boston

Over the past few days my feelings have been all over the place. I've felt confused, scared, infatuated, and alone, to now hopeful. This past month has been one hell of a ride.

I guess the one thing that has remained the constant has been that something, that certain feeling. I don't really know how to explain it. It's not necessarily a 'thing', or 'something', but it's definitely more than a feeling.

Some may call it their conscience, intuition, their gut feeling, ESP, what have you. I don't have a name for it, other than calling it listening to my heart. I don't really know how to explain it, but I do know that it's usually right.

I know I've stated this many times, but still, you can't help how you feel. Sometimes it's good, but sometimes it can come at the worst possible moment. It can give you clarity to an issue that you've been dealing with; advice; or even the answer you've been looking for.
Mine has done more talking in the past month than it has in my entire life. I've learned a lot from it, like how I really feel about someone, what I should or shouldn't do about something, school, work, etc.

I think if people would give it a try, and listen to their intuition, heart, what have you, they'd see things a lot differently. It's that 'something', that 'more than a feeling', that can really open your eyes to what you should do, and what needs to be done. Whether it's living for yourself, and not to impress others; deciding to let her have her fling; keeping him at an arm's distance; trying to clear up some unfinished business among friends; giving him a second chance; or not telling her how you really feel, and deciding to stay 'just friends'.

Sometimes it'll contradict itself, but hopefully we'll be able to distinguish what the best decision is. In this case, I think everyone mentioned above has done exactly what benefits him or her. I guess at the end of the day if you are happy with the choice you made then you'll be fine. At the very least, I know where I stand, and it's a lot better this way, for now at least…

Monday, January 28, 2008

no. 028 [her last goodbye...]

"Say Your Last Goodbye" by God Or Julie
All it took was one phone call, and suddenly I was taken back five months. It's been five months since I've been here, and it still doesn't get any easier. I guess that's the thing about death, no matter how much time you have to prepare for it, it never gets any easier. I still felt bad. I knew what everyone was going through, because I had gone through it too, twice.

The thing about death is that people don't want to let go. Death in itself isn't such a horrible thing. If you lived your life for love, then it should be fine. I think people are more afraid of letting go, rather than dying.

It's hard on those of us that stay behind, but I like to think that it's something wonderful for those that leave this world. They get to start a new journey, they get to go to a better place, and they are reunited with those that have left us earlier on.

I don't believe for a second that death is a lonely experience, not at all. I like to think that when you die you are welcomed by open arms of those you love that have already started their new lives.

We are selfish by nature, and I guess that's what makes it harder for us to let go of the ones we love.

As she said her last goodbye to those that would stay, she said her first hello to those that have already gone, and her new life was about to begin...

In Loving Memory...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

no. 027 [my past, present, & future self...]

"Move On" by Jet

As much as the truth hurts, more times than not, we need to hear it. Sometimes we're so quick to judge others that we can't see that we're doing the same thing ourselves. Maybe we're not doing the exact same thing, but very close to it, enough that we become hypocrites.

The thing about the past is that it can only control our future if we let it. I'm not saying to forget the past, but clinging onto it won't do a thing. On the other hand, running away from it can't help either.

It's all about time. If you live in the past you'll miss the future; if you run away from your past, you'll miss the present; and if you are too busy with the future, you'll forget your past; and if you're too busy focusing on any one of them, time will pass you by. Sometimes it takes someone to point out your flaws to see what you're doing wrong. It could be that you're so afraid of the past that you go completely out of your way to avoid it; or that you are so obsessed with tomorrow, that you miss today; or that you cling onto that little shred of hope, praying that it'll work out, while passing up a new opportunity to what you're clinging onto in the first place. People have a hard time moving on, but it's something that has to be done. You can move on from a series of things, relationships, friends, a death, anything really. I guess the best way to move on is to not forget about your past, but not to live in it. If we live for today, and remember yesterday, tomorrow won't be so bad...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

no. 026 [my new year...]

"How To Save A Life" by The Fray

As 2007 came to an end, I couldn't help but think about everything that has happened over the past year. From ringing it in by breaking a stupid popper and having Paul McCartney giving Gabe dirty looks, to reaching a milestone, to walking to get my diploma, to returning to Basalite, to hearing stories about drunken nights in Vegas, to the 4th of July, to bad news, to my cruise, to saying goodbye, to starting over at a new school, to saying hello, to realizing a dream, to preparing for something big, to cherry 7/7's all over again. I think I've learned more in this past year than I have my entire life. It has been a crazy year by far. It's hard to believe that it's over. I still remember last new year's eve like it was yesterday. Nasty cherry 7/7's with Isa, Jägerbombs, Gabe getting drunk off his ass and pulling the infamous "ostrich" move, Isa falling asleep on my arm, it's so surreal to think about how fast this year has gone by, and how much has changed. I read all of my blogs from this year. It's amazing how much I've grown as a person. It's nice to go back and read them, and remember what I was going through at that time. There is no real theme to this one. If you were waiting for me to pull everything together in one central theme I'm sorry. This ones just for the sake of remembering. Remembering good times, bad times, friends, family, and the things that made us grow over this last year. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this last year has flown by. That's another year none of us will get back. So just remember everything you've learned, and keep it with you, always.Remember the lessons you've learned, the people you loved, the places you've seen, and most importantly of all, the lives you've touched. For all you know, the way you act, the things you say, the things you do, the little things you don't take into account, could really make a difference in someone's life. At the very least I know a lot of those that have changed mine. That is the biggest lesson I've learned this year. Remembering all of the special people in my life, and to keep them in my heart, forever. So as this chapter of my life ends, another one begins. As cliche' as it sounds, I will never forget this year...