Table Of Contents

Sunday, February 15, 2009

no. 032 [candy hearts...]

"Candy Hearts" by Tofer Brown

Valentine’s Day is such a cliché’ day. I heard earlier today that it’s just another chance for a guy to totally fuck up. As noted in my very first one of these, I’m not a big fan of today, however, as today comes to an end I can honestly look back and say that it wasn’t so bad.

It’s a given that being single today kinda sucks, but oh well. I’ve survived so far, so I think I can make it another hour and a half to finish it off.

I found an old writing about Valentine’s Day that I did not post, for various reasons, which I had written exactly one year ago today. It was pretty harsh, and insanely irrelevant to how I’m feeling now, and could be misconstrued and have certain parts substituted with something, or someone else. Hence why I am refusing to post it right now, and am currently rewriting this blog so that it has some relevance, and a point that’s a little more cheery than “I don’t think I ever liked her”. Haha, that was last year’s message. Nice huh?

It’s funny how much a year has made me re-think this “holiday”. I still have a stigma about it due to what has happened in the past, but I know I’ll move on eventually. I’m making progress. Hey, spending it with some good friends sure beats the hell out sitting alone complaining about it; or forcing yourself to act a certain way for someone you don’t even really care about; or being heartbroken, because you know exactly what today should have been (sorry buddy).

So what, I didn’t have a quote, “Valentine” for today. I still had fun. I made dinner for some friends, laughed about how we have a stuffed dog in my loft, yeah, watched Scrubs almost immediately after having a discussion about Rowdy, and just plain having fun. I took it as just another day. I think that’s the best advice I can give all of you who are taking the alternative and celebrating S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day) instead of the traditional Valentine’s Day (and no, I didn’t just make up that S.A.D. thing).

While we're on the whole “sad” note, I still think it’s a little sad that we chose to celebrate love one day a year. Do I think Valentine’s Day is still a Hallmark Holiday? Eh, to a certain degree I guess I still do, but I do think it’s nice to have. Sometimes cliché’ is a good thing…I think.

I think the point I’m trying to make is that things could be a lot worse, and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Given that today started off really crappy, I was still able to make the day ok as a whole. I guess today’s lesson for me is “it’s better to be alone, than trying to make the wrong girl right.” Sucks, I know, but I’m ok with it…I think.

So yet another Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and this time it didn’t leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Actually, I think I may still be tasting those heart-shaped rice crispy treats my mom made, haha! But I digress, it could have been a lot worse. Even though it didn’t go the way I would have liked it to, it was still fun. And it sure beats the hell out of staying at home alone.

Monday, February 2, 2009

no. 031 [my brand new day...]

"Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin

It’s been a tough year. Although I’ve kept to myself for most of it, I feel as if I’ve grown a lot. I’ve had a lot to think about over the past 366 days, haha. I know it’s been a while. I had this whole thing planned out. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about, and when I wanted to post it; I had a time-line for everything. I had gone through this strenuous planning, writing down, picking the songs, picking the morals, pretty much pre-writing the entire 3rd collection of my blogs, just to end up throwing them out at the last second. If you know me well enough, you know I’m no good at planning anything out. I read them, and I just didn’t like them. They became too static. I think I let them sit around for too long. Most of them had a good message, but they were too much like my older posts, vague.

If I learned anything from reading my older posts, it’s that I was way too vague when it came to what I was really talking about. There are a few people that could pick certain things out, and knew exactly what I was talking about, but the rest were left to use their imagination, or to put themselves in a situation that they had experienced. I don’t know, I liked that idea, but it just seemed so rehashed to the point that I wanted crumble up all the sheets of paper that I had written these down on and possibly miss each shot as I tossed them to the trash can in my loft. They seemed a little more “Grey’s Anatomy” for my taste (God, I hate that show).

As much as I’m going to try to switch up my style, and make my writings a bit more personal, the more I know they’re just going to end up sounding like the end of an episode of Scrubs (I love that show).

But I digress; with a year of experience under my belt you’d think I’d have a lot to write about, right? Wrong. I have absolutely no idea what I’m getting myself into with this next series, but I don’t care. I like this change of pace. It’s exciting. After all the crap that I’ve been through this past year, it’s just nice to have my outlet back. So with this new series I want to take it day by day. It’s a brand new day, each one with a different story to tell. So I’ll make my past my past, even though I may end up writing about it sooner or later (shameless plug: look out for the lost blogs, coming soon, haha!), but we’ll see how this little experiment goes.

While I know I must keep what has happened in the back of my mind, I also must try my hardest to move forward. I think I’ve been doing a good job of that for the most part. I think it’s been hard for a lot of us. Some of us have gotten married, had a child, moved out, moved on, are preparing to start a new part of your life, or are just getting ready to finish up that new part of our life; a lot of us have been moving forward. I guess the best advice for any of us is to take it one day at a time. Each day is a new beginning, a new journey, and a new story. For me, today marks the beginning of a whole new series of stories that are yet to be discovered, and are yet to be told. And even though I don’t have a time-line, I have no idea what I’m going to write about, or even if I’m going to have something to write about, it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me because I plan on taking it one day at a time. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I have to keep telling myself that. It sure makes it a hell of a lot easier to take life one day at a time…