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Thursday, February 18, 2010

no. 036 [what day is it today?]

"Rip The Universe" by Reverie Sound Revue

Today I leave with the aspirations of having these last few weeks and the issues that have come with them to hopefully resolve themselves, or at the very least become easier to deal with by the time I get back. I'm not sure what I'm in for, or what I may have to come back to. I'm not sure how I am feeling right now, in regards to relationships, feelings, health, etc.

What day is it today?
Feels like a Monday, yeah

It's gotten so confusing that sometimes I forget what day it is, where I am, where I'm going. Maybe I have never really known where I am going. But I hope that wherever that is that I won't be going there alone.
And things are awfully strange
When the streetlights are all on at noon

Another day is somehow lit by a full moon

What I hope to accomplish with this vacation is getting to the realization that I can't control things. Maybe it's true, about things happening for a reason. But why can't I just take my own advice? I just hate sitting on the sidelines, waiting to be called in to the game. I can't do that for much longer. Maybe right now neither of us are ready to try again, but what makes me think that I'm ready for something new...when I know that I'm not. Those ties are still there, and there is very much a strong knot in the middle. Hopefully she will realize that I'm the one...or maybe I'll realize that I'm not.

As curious as it seems
I still smile as I enjoy the scene

I hope by taking myself out of the picture that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. But I'd be lying if I said that I would just come back and take whatever life hands me without giving a fight for what I really want. But what do I really want? I think I already know the answer to that question, but you can't always get what you want...

What day is it today?
Feels much like Sunday, yeah yeah
And everyone is kinda lazy
When it's time to kiss the lady
But it's not the end and the beginning lately

I feel horrible that I have to choose. I hope that when I get back the choice will be made for me. But I'm not sure I'll be content with just letting the universe decide for me. I'm not that kind of person. I think I have to make this decision on my own. But do I go back, or move forward? Will moving forward be a step back, or will going back be a step forward? How can I really move on if I'm still in love with you?? Can you really be in a relationship if you are still in love with someone else?? Can I personally do that to another person? What is supposed to happen?!? There are so many questions lingering in my mind.

What is everyone gonna do
When everyone has to choose

I will take my mind off of the things that I leave behind, but know that I will have to return to them, and address them. I'm taking a break, I'm not running away. I know for sure that these things will linger in the back of my mind. This will be an interesting two weeks. I just hope that I realize not only what I want, but what I need. Hopefully by then these restrictions won't hold me back in my decisions. We will see where these next two weeks take me, but wherever that is I hope it's where I am meant to be, and I hope it's with the right person, if any at all...

Soon I'll rip the universe in two
One for me and one for you...

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