Thursday, June 17, 2010
no. 040 [that day...]
"Dream (iTunes Live Session Version)" by Priscilla Ahn
Everyone has those days where your mind is brought back to a specific event, person, place, or thing that you have tried your hardest to forget, and in an instant you are right back where you started from. Today, I must regretfully admit is one of those days.
Sometimes things become so overbearing that it's just easier if we try to forget. Forget it ever existed, forget that it still does, and make it into a sheer memory...and nothing more. I have hated myself for the longest time for doing that, because to me it was just too hard to try and comprehend; too hard to try to carry on and just accept it; too hard to remember and try to keep my head up high.
But then comes a day where you can't fight it, you can't hide it, and it shows on your face, because the tears don't lie. Why is it so hard to let go? But a better question to ask is why is it so important to let go? The way I see it we must let go in order to move on...but we don't have to forget in order to move on. As someone I adore once said, "Sometimes we say we're gonna let go, but then you turn around and think of it, them, every day, and it hurts. But do you really want to forget it, or them, and have to go through it all over again, and feel that pain again? I'd rather feel that pain day by day and have it start to fade away than to feel nothing at all, because at one time it was exactly what I wanted, they were exactly what I needed. And if you feel that pain then oh well. And if you need that pain then so be it. But I can't just forget, because that would be a pain so overbearing that I don't even want to try to comprehend it."
"Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." But maybe letting go is a second chance. But we don't have to completely let go...you don't have to forget. Whether you're still holding a grudge, still holding the hurt, still feeling the love, or just trying to keep the happy memories alive, letting go doesn't mean forgetting. Like I said, if you try to pretend like it never happened one of these days it'll eventually catch up to you.
For me, that day is today, for many different reasons, but none of which I will ever dare to try and forget. Because no matter how hard you try, you will never, ever be able to make those that have helped shape your life into a memory...because they will always, always, be a part of you.
Happy birthday little sis. I will never forget you.