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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

no. 042 [goodnight (my double meaning)...]



"Goodnight Song" by Tammany Hall NYC

In a night, I'll turn this all around
I'll shut the light and I'll tune out every sound

What's in store won't anymore be on my mind

I'll say goodnight and I'll leave this word behind

Do you ever sit back and think about how perfect life is sometimes? How it can be so much like a TV show at times, how predictable, yet unpredictable it can be? How scripted it may seem sometimes? I do. But I kind of like it when things come together like this. When things become so perfect, so happy, when things go not the way you expected, or wanted, but when they go full circle, and what everyone except you was sure was going to happen, happens.

Goodnight song,
I guess the stars always had meaning
Sometimes it's like you can see disaster coming your way, then months pass without thinking about it, without thinking about why it happened the way it happened, or why you didn't put up a fight, and suddenly the problem from a few months ago is resolved, just like that. Maybe some things just heal with time, and without you doing anything about it. Certain things just need to take their course; like a caterpillar. It starts out as this grubby little thing that eats everything, then hides away and becomes dormant in a cocoon, then with time it has new life. Maybe that's what this was, this transition period was a sort of a cocoon. But does that mean that I'm becoming a butterfly? I guess only time will tell, but time always has it's way of letting us know.

Goodnight song,
I guess some answers come from dreaming
I like to think that time, much like history repeats itself, like a circle, and right now I'm just coming around the bend. Will it come full circle again? Who knows. But there is one thing that I do know, and that is that it's always darkest before the dawn, and as night falls I speak the same word twice, yet give it two very distinct meanings. On one hand I use the word as a sort of goodbye, the end of my cocoon stage, the resolution to my problem if you will. In a smart ass response I correct the text from the person who has in many ways come to be my mortal enemy, and I remind her that it's one word, not two, and in doing so I write her off in an act that would symbolize a nail in the coffin. And on the other side the opposite is meant. Instead of goodbye it's hello, welcome back, nice to see you again, I've missed you. It symbolizes that problem being fixed, and that circle, or cycle, starting all over again...only this time lets hope that it's less vicious than it has been in the past.

In a night, I'll see who I've become
Some fears remain and some I've overcome

While the word to one person meant the end of that horrible mistake, it meant the beginning to something new and exciting yet familiar to an old friend who I was happy to be back on speaking terms with.

Rest assured, I'm happier by far
Than years ago when I cursed out every star

As Chaucer (or as some may argue, Menander) once said, "time heals all wounds" and as the sun sets on this day I know a new one is just a few sleeping hours away, and it will be here right on time.

In a night, I'll know where my heart lies
And I'll realize what matter's most in my mind

So here I lay in bed smiling at how picture perfect and predictable life can be sometimes. How much like a TV show this seems, with the perfect lines that couldn't have been better scripted, the perfect song playing in the background, a happy ending (at least for this "episode"), and a slowly zooming in shot of a cocoon hanging off a tree in the moonlight outside of my window as night falls. And to top it off, the perfect ending where it begins again with a simple word that says one thing, but means so much more...

Goodnight song,
I guess the stars always had meaning
Goodnight song,
I guess some answers come from dreaming

*Written in September 2009

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