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Friday, October 29, 2010

My Secret Public Journal, Entry #004: Medicine

So, at the suggestion of a friend/classmate I decided to make these journal-esk writings that don't sum up into a central theme laced with ambiguity and a cheesy song playing in the background. Instead I'll just free-write about whatever strikes me...complete with a little lacing of ambiguity...and a cheesy song playing in the background. I call it My Secret Public Journal.

Love & Waffles,
Ant

ps: don't sue me Mike Birbiglia



"Medicine" by Alex Winston

Sorry for not writing, it's been a very interesting week. You see, it all started when I sent a text message as my evil twin who I refer to as "Red," then I realized that I'm not fully in control of my bipolar disorder, then I went back to get help, and after a hellacious week here I am to catch you up on it. Sounds fun, huh? :/

It started off well. I was a little skeptical about the whole group therapy thing, especially with the past GT and I have had. But going in for one-on-one was actually quite fun, once we got the BS out of the way. Best dialogue ever (it's not verbatim, but it's close enough).

M.D.: "Oh, it's you. Welcome back."

Me: "You remember me?"

M.D.: "Oh yes."

Me: "Is that good?"

M.D.: "How could I forget the patient that brought his own purple notepad to a session, and proceeded to take notes on me?"

Me: "Crap. Did I really leave that much of an impression?"

M.D.: "Well, it does say on your file in big capital letters the word, 'SMARTASS'."

Me: "Well, we're off to a great start..."

Things went well from there. I had to keep an open mind, and realize what I wanted to accomplish. I spent this last week being very vocal about how I felt, what I wanted to get done, and how I wanted to finish what I started. With help from my doctor, M.D. (as I call him, I don't like calling him my therapist), family, and friends, and wise words from a beautiful young lady, I am getting through this, step by step. But don't worry, I'm not gonna just stay on this path and hope for results, I'm making my own way this time. I will see what works, and change what doesn't.

Case in point today was my last day in group. It's not that I can't do it, it's more of me feeling that it isn't really doing much. I spent 5 days in GT, and I have come to the conclusion that it's just not for me. I also pushed my doctor into getting me a prescription that doesn't make me feel like a zombie (seriously, what is with all this zombie talk lately? :/). I'm happy to say that I am actually taking my meds now...but I am still kinda getting used to them.

As for everything else in life things are kinda going slow. I've put almost all of my projects on hold, for the time being, and school is going by sooooooo damn slow, but in a good way. Thank God I got all my presentations out of the way early. So I have time to stay focused, make the changes that I need, and ride this out to the end. At the very least I have the motivation I need. As a great friend told me, "I think it's admitting that you need help that is the most courageous of all. At least that's what I think." I don't think I ever thanked her for that. But if you're reading this, thanks :)

So for right now change is at hand. I have a lot of writings on deck, MSPJs and Blogs alike, so just keep checking.

Love & Waffles,
Ant

1 comment:

  1. I can totally picture you writing in a purple notepad :)

    ReplyDelete