Table Of Contents

Friday, October 29, 2010

no. 049 [my new old friends...]

"Everybody's Changing" by Keane

My trip back to Hayward wasn’t fun until the end. Not because I had left, but because right before I did, I learned something very important. The thing that killed me the most about Hayward is how much everyone changed. I knew I couldn’t just come back and expect it to be the same, but I didn’t expect it to change that much. It seemed as if everyone was someone completely different. These people are not the friends I went to elementary and middle school with. These “friends” of mine had now transformed into new people that I didn’t know. They became a radical, a voice of reason, a stereotype, a brainiac, and a basket case. I felt as if I didn’t know them anymore.

It took no more than a couple of exchanges of dialogue with “the basket case” to understand what was going on.

“You think everyone has changed dramatically. You think you’re still the same person you were ten years ago?”

“No, but I haven’t changed that much.”

“To you it doesn’t seem like it, because you’ve been there every step of the way, but you haven’t seen us for ten years. You said it yourself; everything can change in the blink of an eye, right? To us we’ve been the same all along, but you are the one that changed. Everyone has changed, but they don’t believe that they have. You look at change as something bad don’t you?”

“I don’t look at it as bad...it’s just not what I expected.”

“Of course it’s not. Things change, people grow. We’ve been over this before.”

And we had been over it before. From the disappointment of how much my home had changed, I had to deal with how much my friends had changed, and more importantly how much I had changed.

“After ten years what made you finally come back? Let me guess, it was that idea of ‘what if?’ What if I had stayed, right? Look at it this way, we all stayed, and we are all as much strangers to each other as we are to you. Does that answer your ‘what if?’”

And it did. Even with my new life here in Manteca I knew now things had changed, on both ends. I had friends here in this very same town change as well, and I don’t really know them anymore. We are still very much strangers to each other today, while we had been the best of friends yesterday. All it takes to change is a blink of an eye, and in certain cases, the will. But even if you don't want to, we change, to adapt, to grow, to fit the mold that our lives are creating for us.

And with that it took a blink of an eye, and a few words to make me throw my “what if’s” out the window. And right then and there I had changed a little too. Change isn’t always welcomed, but it’s always there. Sometimes it could dramatically change people, but it can also answer a lot of questions. At least with this change I’d have closure, a new outlook on my past, another lesson learned, a fresh start at something new, and some new old friends...

1 comment:

  1. Then you rode up the hill in your old hometown on your bikes like old times to watch the sunset? Where did that picture come from?

    And I have to say that I did like this. But you have to do a blog about your new new friends now, and I better be a big part of it ;)

    ReplyDelete