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Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Secret Public Journal, Entry #008: I'm In Here

So, at the suggestion of a friend/classmate I decided to make these journal-esk writings that don't sum up into a central theme laced with ambiguity and a cheesy song playing in the background. Instead I'll just free-write about whatever strikes me...complete with a little lacing of ambiguity...and a cheesy song playing in the background. I call it My Secret Public Journal.

Love & Waffles,
Ant

ps: don't sue me Mike Birbiglia


"I'm In Here (Piano/Vocal Version)" by Sia

I cried my first tear in the longest time today. I think lock-down may soon be over. I don't think my heart can hold it in anymore. I need to feel this, regardless.

It's nice to have some emotion back. The ice has finally melted, but it's still rather cold. Does she know that I'm still here, waiting for her? Does she realize that I'm rooting for her, hoping that she'll find her way, regardless if it leads to me or not? Does anyone really understand?

The child within me cries out, "I'm in here!" I've ignored it's cries for too long, becoming cynical to my own beliefs. A temporary lack of judgment is what I'll call it, knowing damn well what it really was.

It's time for this tin man to put himself back together and find his heart once again. Although it aches, it holds what is dearest to me, the innocence that comes with believing, and having hope in true love. It may sound a little Disney, but that's how I roll.

So I open my chest and put it back in, back where it belongs. And as the lock-down ends my heart starts to tick again, tick-tocking away the time once again. So I pick up my axe and travel down that road, with two paths in front of me.

While it's not my battle it kind of is at the same time. Which road will I choose? Will time make this decision any easier? I need to decide, do I listen to reason, or do I listen to my heart?

And the child screams out,

"I'm in here!
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?"

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