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Saturday, February 5, 2011

no. 064 [human...]

"Human" by Civil Twilight

I used to like the idea of being invincible. I liked being the one to be relied upon. I used to like being the hero. But it has been made very apparent that that era has come to an end.

I think the hardest part of life is looking into ourselves and admitting our flaws. I don't like who I have become. I don't like the emptiness I see inside of me. I don't like feeling this weak, this fragile, this broken. But I guess that's what it's like being human.

I think I put myself so far into that idea of being that hero that when I realized my own kryptonite it became too much. I know I've made strides in getting a handle on things, but I think that I have only just begun.

It's a long time coming, but at least it's starting to happen. I can stand here and say that I am human, nothing more, nothing less. The only thing I can do is be me. I can't save anyone until I save myself first.

I think the best thing for me to do is to just feel my emotions, because at the end of the day they are what make us human. There are just some things in life we can't solve, can't fix, can't explain. And I think I'm starting to understand that more now than ever.

It still doesn't make it hurt any less. But that's okay. I need to feel this, to deal with this. To build myself back up, to be better than I was before. There are certain things we as humans just can't do, and I think accepting that will be one of the hardest things for me.

And as it should be, I lick my wounds and heal. I live and learn. This battle is mine, and mine alone. And I will deal with it, one step at a time.

That's the single greatest thing about being human, is our determination, and our will to not give up. Well, most of us for that matter. Because when all is said and done we all hurt, we all feel, we all think, and we are all human. Nothing more, nothing less...

1 comment:

  1. This serves more like an intro to your Superman blog than anything else. I'm glad you released them all together for this to make more sense. I felt like this was a little short, but effective in a way. I do believe you need to feel your emotions. You hide them, bottle them in, and mask them with medication. I know you aren't taking the meds anymore, but you can't keep bottling them up. You need to hurt. I'm glad you came to that realization.